Jazzy J

Jazzy J

Monday, November 18, 2013

Hurry Up And Wait

"My times are in Your hand..." Psalm 31:15

Well, come tomorrow, we will have been an "active" foster home in the system for 2 weeks. And it's still the three of us Allens. Which is really ok. That being said, there are mixed emotions/thoughts that have been swirling around in my head. Such as:

Why can't we get our arms around that baby already?!

Wow, I'm kinda glad it hasn't happened yet because things have been crazy busy and I still don't think I'm ready for this!

Moriah is gonna be such an awesome big sister. She can't wait and it's so sweet how she keeps asking about "the baby."

Will this be the last night that she's our only one? The last time I rock her and put her to bed without another child needing Mama too? (insert tears from Mama: WAAAAAH, BOOHOO, WAAAAH!)

What is happening in Baby's life right now that is going to bring him to us? Lord please protect and surround him. Bring him to us gently. Bring him quick! Please!

Oh no! What are we going to do about childcare?! We are on 3 waiting lists right now!

After all the running around and scrambling over the last months to get our biographies written, house & marriage & personal lives thoroughly inspected, multiple trainings complete, mounds of paperwork turned in, TB tests taken, FBI background checks run, more paperwork, baby room ready, a teaspoon of blood from a witch's pinky toe collected in a crystal vial (well maybe not that), we were finally certified and ready! Ready to foster-to-adopt! Bring on the baby!

Except not.

Now we wait.

And sometimes get the phone-calls-that-make-your-adrenaline-shoot-up-sky-high-only-to-deflate.

We've gotten two of those calls so far in these last two weeks. Without going into too much detail, one was a heartbreaking call about 2 boys we did not feel prepared/at peace to be able to parent in the current context of our family situation. The next phone call a week later, we said "yes" to 2 brothers, a toddler and baby, but found out a couple hours later that the caseworker found a home closer to the biological family and so we did not get the placement.

Either way, it's awakened my consciousness, once again, to the reality that every night across this state and this country (not to mention the world!), caseworkers are frantically calling, trying to secure a home for a baby/toddler/siblings/child/teenager who is sitting in their office....sometimes dirty, hungry, confused, missing their mama, scared, or maybe even relieved... who will travel that very evening to a family and a home they have never known.

And so we continue to wait, trusting that the time will come when it's meant to be. (It's kinda like being 9 months pregnant and not knowing "when will be the night" that you'll go into labor and bring a baby home). Except I haven't been pregnant for 9 months with a baby inside, continually reminding me with her kicks and moves and hiccups (and early contractions!) that she is there. Which is a little surreal sometimes!

So I try to keep that balance of "reminding myself" that at any time we could become the parents of another child, while also trying not to be overanxious or think too much about it. My mom recently shared a devotion with me about waiting that was so relevant to this waiting season and many other waiting seasons as well:

As you walk with God you'll find that you spend more time waiting than you do receiving. And when you receive what you're waiting for, then you'll begin waiting for something else! So if you don't learn to wait with joy, you'll live in frustration. Paul writes, "Let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not" (Gal. 6:9). "Due season" is when God knows the time is right, not when you think it is. God has a set time for accomplishing things in your life, so you might as well settle down and wait because that's when it will happen, and not before. God knows what you need, when you need it, and how to get it to you. You ask, "What am I supposed to do while I'm waiting?" Trust Him. One Bible teacher writes: "God has taught me to keep living the life I now have while I'm waiting for the things that are in my heart to come to pass. We become so intent on trying to give birth to the next thing, that we neither enjoy nor take care of the things at hand. I had a vision from God ten years before I began to see it fulfilled. During those years I believe I missed a lot of joy by trying to give birth outside of God's timing. Learn to enjoy where you are, while you are waiting to get to where you want to be."

If that's not a timely word, I don't know what is! Here's to being a Good Waiter.

 
(And I have to admit, the waiting's not near as bad when you've got someone this precious to wait with. Here's proof):
 
 
 
 

Monday, November 4, 2013

Twas The Night Before Our Foster Status Went Active...

Well, we're doing it again. Foster parenting. No surprise there...Billy and I have always thought we would foster again and/or adopt eventually. In "our plans" (insert laughter), however, we thought we would adopt "after we had our biological children."

Sort of a "Phase 1- Bio children, Phase 2- Adopt" Plan. Makes sense, right?

Plans are funny that way.

As many know, I had a heckuva time getting pregnant with Moriah. Thanks to the Good Lord and modern medicine it happened. Then the pregnancy had its complications, including 3 trips to the hospital prior to having her, with 2 of those trips involving hospital stays. And lots of bedrest. LOTS of bedrest. Makes me shudder just thinking about it. But oh what a precious, "perfect," beautiful, wonderful gift came out of all that...our sweet Moriah Grace.

Fast forward another year and some months later when we went back to the doctor and started the process of trying again. Without going into all the details, it involved the next year of medicine, counting days, bloodwork, ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, more medicine, more counting, more bloodwork, more ultrasounds, more pregnancy tests, etc. I know so many people go through much, much more than I did, and for so much longer. But 12 months was enough for us. After soul-searching, prayer, tears, and talks, we believed we were being led to move "Phase 2" (adoption) up a little quicker in our plans than we had originally thought. Not a Plan B, just a "bumping up" of Phase 2. Grin.

Fast forward to today. The last 6 months have brought us through a journey of exploring various adoption options and feeling led to pursue the foster-to-adopt path this go-round. With a child 12 months or younger. It will be fun and interesting to see what happens!

Now for a little question and answer session. The purpose of this is hopefully to shed some light and answer some questions that many people feel uncomfortable asking (notice I said many people...some folks have no problem asking anything. lol. And that's ok too). We are advocates of fostering and adoption and love to build more awareness, as well as learn from others. So I'm just gonna go ahead and tackle the elephants in the room, at the risk of being rather vulnerable and open:

Do you get paid to foster parent? Yes, I'm "going there" on the money question because many people want to know. : ) Yes, we do get paid a stipend. (It is public information on the DFPS website). When one chooses to foster parent, they are providing a "service" for the state of Texas as they are basically providing around-the-clock care for children. You are opening your home and your family to scrutiny, inspections, and risks. You are choosing to forego your privacy and give your time, energy, heart, and soul to another human being. You are taking on the responsibility of a human life. You will be asked to validate and sometimes "prove" you are a good parent. You will need to keep up with and show the correct documentation for a myriad of things. I say all this with an informative mindset, not a "defensive" or "offended" mindset. : )

Do you do it for the money? hahaha. With all that is involved I don't know how some people would think that "this was the thing to get into" for the money. If it was such a great way to "make money" then I question why there is such a shortage of foster parents. (One could make more at McDonald's with much less risk/effort involved than foster parenting a child). That being said, it is a question that still lingers and unfortunately there are some foster parents out there that are not the best representatives of the rest of us in the "foster world" in this regard.

 Do I counsel "for the money?" Did I teach "for the money?" Is Billy going to be a deaf interpreter "for the money?" Do you do your job "for the money?" Well no and yes. Is it a bad thing to earn some money while performing a service/ministry you feel called to do? Should people not be paid for their jobs because to be paid would equate to "doing it for the money?" I think not. I count it a privilege to be able to do something I love to do while also being able to help provide for my family in the meantime. I also count it a privilege and blessing that we are able to make it fine financially without a foster parenting stipend. (In fact, in our agency, you have to prove that you are making it just fine financially without foster money prior to being approved). Once you adopt, however, you do not receive the foster stipend.

Have we heard the "horror stories" of people who fostered a baby from the time they left the hospital only to have to "give them back" months later? Yes. I just spoke to a family friend this weekend who took in twin baby boys from the hospital as newborns, and had to "give them back" to an elderly relative of the boys when they were 18 months old. This, of course, was devastating. This is one of a number of stories we've heard.

Have we heard the awesome stories of people who were able to foster-to-adopt successfully? Yes. Awesome. We have some of those in our family as well.

Do we know what will happen in our case? No. It's very hard to predict.

Will this (fostering, fostering-to-adopt) affect our biological daughter? Yes. It will affect us all in many ways regardless of what the "end outcome" is. Our prayer, although I know many times we fall short, is that she will grow up in a family where she sees firsthand the love of Christ and compassion for others. Where she learns to give and make room for others, and to one day rely on her faith in God to be the one steady thing in a world of uncertainty. Where she learns that obedience trumps "risk management," and faith overcomes fear. God help us show that to her.

Do the risks change the fact that this is what we believe we are supposed to do? Nope.

Are you scared? Helicopter yeah! Yes I'm scared and some of the possibilities make me cry. I would be lying if I said I had 100% faith and no fear about this. Hello I'm human! Hello I would like to adopt a baby! I would prefer not to "lose" one (in my selfish mind). Just being honest. Have I thought about the "worst possible" scenarios? Yes, but what's the point of dwelling on that when I have no control over it either way? Just as I don't have any control over how long my biological child is with me! Why do we have the illusion that we have more control over some things than others when we really have no control at all? This has been a realization for me through this process. All of the people and blessings in our lives are gifts. Gifts that we've been entrusted with for a time, a time we have no control over.

Aren't you going to be so mad if the bio parents "get the baby back?" I can't say for sure because I'm not in the situation now, but I will say this. I have had the privilege, yes the PRIVILEGE, to meet several of the bio parents of our former foster children. Did some of their choices make me upset? Yes! Was I mad at them or did I hate them? No. I found them to be kind, loving people who loved their kids but got caught up in some things that caused them to make decisions they regretted terribly. Many of them loved their kids with all they could, but it was a broken, unhealthy love at times. They needed help. And yes, their children needed to be protected from that "broken" love for a time.

When you think about it, adoption is oftentimes born out of a tragedy. I do not believe it was God's original design for a family to break apart and for parents to not be able to raise their children, whether due to circumstances they've chosen or ones out of their control. Either way, it's heartbreaking. To think that I would "wish" for a parent to have negative things happen in their life so that I can "have" their child is a little twisted. If they are able to raise their child from a healthy place then that truly is what's best (gulp). That being said, I think God can bring forth a beautiful thing out of any tragedy or crisis and that He does this with adoption. And I think it's a wonderful thing. And I would love to be apart of it if that's the plan.

What if you try this and "lose" the first 3 babies that are placed with you? Wow. I don't know. I don't know what the future holds or what the outcome will be or how long we will be called to do this. Maybe our purpose will be to provide a loving safe home for a child for a season. (And I type that trembling, by the way, not just some rote answer). I do know that in many steps up until this point, it's like God was shining a flashlight right in front of our next step. So we took that next step and then the light extended a little bit more. And then we took the next step. So now, as of tomorrow, we will be considered "active" in the state computer system, and I hope and pray the "flashlight" will extend out to our "next step" if/when we get that next phone call. From there we will continue to take one step at a time. Where exactly it will lead, we don't know.

When will you get the baby? We don't know. It could literally be days, weeks, or months. And we can't wait!!! Moriah is so excited. She keeps saying "hold baby's hand, be gentle, kiss baby, hug baby, my hold baby, my big sister," etc. I know she is going to be such a wonderful big sister and helper for Mama and Daddy!



So, as I bring this to a close, I ask that if you don't mind, you send a little prayer our way. Pray for that precious baby, that God would bring them gently to us in His timing and that we would love them with all we've got for whatever time we have them. And while we're at it, that we'll remember to love each other that way too. With everything we've got, for whatever time we have.